How can I share the good in my life, and the bad, without being attacked for it?
I only know how to get out of my head through writing, through sharing
my thoughts, dreams, emotions, feelings,
the light and dark of who I am.
I’m not weak. I am strong.
I use my words to lift, not to bring down.
I don’t blame anyone.
What’s the sense in blaming?
I have my good days, I have my bad.
That’s life with a mental illness.
It doesn’t mean I’m weak.
It doesn’t mean I’m “Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde”.
Do you realize how words can destroy?
How words can cut like a knife
and you’re left with scars that will never heal?
I want love, light, happiness, joy,
but I sometimes am pulled into darkness.
Is that so bad?
Is it so bad that I fight my demons and share that with the world?
Is it so bad that I want to help others, to show them that they aren’t alone?
Because when you are in the depths of darkness you truly feel alone.
And using your words to attack how someone else is feeling is wrong.
It makes us feel worse.
It shatters us.
Those words hit us like shards of glass
and break us when we are trying to build ourselves up again.
Do you want me to remain in pieces forever?
I want to get better. I want to feel better.
But I need support.
And words are my only way to share how I am feeling.
So why break me down where I feel like I can’t use my words.
Where I can’t share my joy or despair with others?
It’s a healthy way to cope.
So if you’re reading this, know you hurt me.
Part of me just wants to shut down this blog,
say I’m through. Because I keep being attacked.
But the other part says no I’m doing the right thing
by sharing, by fighting publicly these demons that a lot of us battle
alone, in darkness, in silence.
My words might bother you, but they are my own
and they are what I take with me into battle.
So despite what you say, despite how I feel
I will keep on fighting and sharing
because it’s the only way I won’t drown.