The more weeks that go on, the better I feel. I think that’s due to two things. One is I now know what I’m doing, so I don’t feel so lost. Deciding to take a break from working for awhile has definitely lifted a huge load off my shoulders. All the stress and pressure of looking for a job is gone. Instead, I can use all my focus to do things that make me happy, to find myself again, and to work on getting myself healthy. The second thing that has helped is starting to find a routine again.
The past two weeks I’ve worked hard on trying to establish that “routine”. I function well when I have a routine, or know what to expect, at least to some degree. The way my husband and I view routines is very different than most of the population. We never set times on where we should be somewhere, or what we should be doing. For example we don’t say “We have to be at the gym at 7:00 am”. No, instead we take each day as it comes and build our day around that. We embrace life as one big adventure. But to us, a routine is making sure that certain things are done throughout the day, everyday. And making sure that I am finding that routine has been so important to me.
My husband and I have started going to the gym again 3-4 times a week for a half hour in the mornings. I know that two days a week I will go to my volunteer job. I feel like I have time to breathe, do art, write, hang with my girls, and whatever else I want to do. I feel like I have time to devote to me and that’s so important because I have never put myself first. This is the first time I am ever doing that, and although it’s scary, it’s definitely worth it.
I have found myself doing things around the house that I’ve been meaning to do for awhile. I figured out a successful way to keep my living room clean. I’ve brainstormed other projects to do around the house which my husband is helping me to implement. We’ve sold some things that we no longer needed in the house. I’ve had time for these little odds and ends projects.
A big part of finding a routine again is making sure that even if I don’t plan on leaving the house, I still make sure that I get up, get dressed, and do my hair. Even if I’m not going anywhere this is so important. It’s so easy to just stay in PJs all day. But that’s not good. It’s not healthy. And it doesn’t set you up for a healthy mindset. So, even the days where it’s hard, I make sure to get up and get dressed.
I am still struggling with my anxiety. I’m still not feeling 100%. But slowly, I am getting back to finding myself. The hardest times are when I am home by myself for hours while my husband is working. These are the times when I can find myself getting down, or getting stuck in my head. But, then I start focusing on a project or cuddle with my girls and I feel better.
I know I still have a long way to go before I am back to 100%. But, slowly I am seeing signs that I will be ok.