Yesterday was, for the most part, a good day. It was the happiest I have been in a long time. I actually felt like me for a change. I had ideas, I had faith, and I had energy to do things. I felt good. My husband said he was so happy to see me acting like myself because he hasn’t seen that in a long time. Yesterday was good.
Today, I’m feeling a little down, and it’s compounded by a situation that happened a little while ago.
Yesterday, while I was thinking about what I wanted to do with my life and what direction I wanted to go in, an idea that I’ve always had started to take shape again. I’ve always wanted to get my 200 hour teaching certificate in Yoga. It’s always been a secret dream of mine to teach yoga to others like me who struggle with depression, anxiety, and scoliosis. I’ve seen how yoga, when done correctly, can totally change your life. I’ve seen first hand the amazing positive impacts it can make on your life and how it can make you more confident, feel good about yourself, and help you see life differently.
I was first introduced to yoga when I was in 9th grade and I’ve been practicing yoga for almost 20 years now, on and off. It’s something I always return to. It’s something that makes me feel good, as long as I don’t take it to a bad place. If I do yoga how it’s supposed to be done, it is a truly life-altering practice.
Yesterday, I decided to look into getting my 200-hour yoga teaching certificate again. It’s something I’ve researched in the past, but never really thought I could do. I believe I am strong enough to pursue it now. I’m tired or doing jobs I don’t care about. I want to do something I’m passionate about. I wanted to devote my life to something I love. And I want to help others.
I started looking into yoga teacher training, but classes are over $3,000 and my husband and I live debt free. That’s something we committed to three years ago and we have never looked back. It’s freeing to not have credit card debt. It’s freeing to not owe anybody anything. But, it also makes life a lot harder. I can’t just swipe a credit card when I want something that I honestly can’t afford. And I can’t afford teacher training.
I wrote to a few yoga studios to see if they offer any type of financial aid. Money is tight. Especially with me not working right now. I’m not asking for a hand out. I’m asking for help, and understanding. I have the passion, just not the money. And I believe it’s good karma to help others out. I know if someone helps me, I will repay that goodness tenfold.
So far I’ve heard from two yoga schools. Both do not have any type of financial assistance, but one in particular really upset me. The yoga teacher actually called me and told me on the phone that it is not good karma to offer financial assistance, and that’s why she doesn’t offer it. She told me that when she pursued her yoga teacher training she just swiped a credit card, and did not understand about our commitment to living debt free. Her answer was to swipe a credit card and leave it up to the Universe to provide ways for me to pay it back.
I refuse to go back into debt. And, telling me to go into debt seems to go completely against the foundations of yoga. Debt brings stress. Yoga brings calmness, release, and freedom. Debt can drag you down. Yoga can lift you up. How is it not good karma to help someone? I’m not asking for a hand out. I’m not asking to take the training for free. I’m asking for assistance.
So, after speaking with her I was feeling a little down. And I am feeling a little down in general because I don’t know how to make my dream a reality. I know it’s hard work, but I’m willing to do it. I just don’t know how to make it happen. So, for now I’m not giving up on my dream, but I will toss it out into the Universe and see what happens.
At the same time, I’ve been trying to think of ways to spread my own light to help others. I have a few idea about things I can make and sell on my Etsy store, but I need a sewing machine for that. Another dream I am throwing out into the Universe. But, I did have a brainstorm yesterday about something I could do now.
I am a big believer in positive affirmations. They totally help me when I’m feeling down, or lost. I decided to make Mini Positive Affirmation cards. They are 2.75″ x 1.10″ and can easily be carried in a wallet, posted on a bulletin board, put on the fridge, or given out to friends and family who need a little pick me up or a kind word. I worked on the design of them between yesterday and this morning, and I have seven cards currently posted for sale at $2.00 each. If you want to check out my Etsy store, click here.
Sometimes, you need to take chances. Sometimes you need to ask questions. And sometimes you need to just trust in the Universe and see what happens. But, no matter what, never give up on your dreams.