I came across this quote yesterday online and it really spoke to me, and made me laugh. If you know me, you know I’d do anything for anyone. I always put myself last. If you need me I’m there, even if it negatively affects me. I would help anyone before I help myself. My husband compares it to a flight attendant who reminds you before take-off to put on your oxygen mask first before helping someone else. He says I’m the person who would help everyone put on their oxygen mask before I put one on myself. I know this all relates to my control issue and needing to have control over situations. It brings me a sense of security, and I know it’s something I need to work on. I can still help people, I just can’t help everyone. Sometimes, I need to put myself first.
A lot of things have been getting me down today. Things started piling up again in my head, and when that happens I start getting dragged down into the darkness. Not to mention this time of year, when it starts getting darker earlier, is always hard for me. Thank goodness I have my Happy Lite (more on that in a future blog).
With everything that has been piling up the past few days, I just don’t feel like myself again. I feel overwhelmed. On top of that, someone I know approached me to help them with an Etsy business. Luckily, and I guess this shows I’m learning, I didn’t say yes right away like I normally would. I told them I would get back to them, and talk it over with my husband. Earlier today when I was telling my husband everything that was bothering me, I also mentioned that I didn’t know what to do about the Etsy thing because “I can’t say no.” My husband looked at me and said, “Joanie, you’re not pizza. You can’t make everyone happy.” It made me laugh, but helped to drive home the point that it’s ok to say no. It’s ok to not take on every little thing, especially if ultimately it will cause you to be more stressed out in the end.
The root cause of my problem is, I’m afraid to say no. I’m afraid of hurting people’s feelings. I’m afraid that if I say no, people will think of me differently. I’m always known for saying yes, for going out of my way for everyone. It’s what makes me feel safe. What happens if I say no? What happens if I start saying no? It’s a huge unknown for me.
But, like this quote says, I’m not pizza. I’m Joanie. I am a living, breathing person with my own thoughts, and feelings, and yes, issues too. I need to start realizing my triggers and trusting my instincts of when it’s right to say yes and right to say no. Even if it’s scary. I need to start embracing the fact that I can’t make everyone happy. At the end of the day, ultimately, my happiness and well-being comes first.
And as hard as it’s going to be, I need to start learning to say no.
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