Finding Strength

As I’ve been trying to regain my strength and balance this week, I keep finding myself getting lost in my thoughts.  I feel things so deeply.  I don’t have that so called “middle ground.”  If I feel good, I feel really good.  If I feel sad, I feel really sad.  I never walk that fine line in-between.  I’m either soaring or crashing, and like the Phoenix, constantly being reborn from my ashes.

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I crave those times when I feel really good.  When I feel like life is this amazing adventure and it is mine to explore.  But, life doesn’t always consist of those up days, and as life has shown me this past week, there are some really low lows.  Life can hold so much pain and sadness.  And it’s fine to mourn and question, but no matter what, I know eventually I have to start climbing back into the light.

I keep finding myself thinking of Rachel, and thinking about how short life is.  It goes by in a blink of an eye.  I keep thinking how unfair it was that she was taken, but like my husband keeps telling me, I can’t question God’s plan.  And I try to take comfort in that knowing that He is in charge and has a plan for all of us which we might never fully understand.  I take comfort knowing she is in peace and with her parents.  Although her body is still tethered to this world artificially, I know that spiritually she is gone and is free.  I really believe when I smelled the roses the other day that that was Rachel visiting me, letting me know she was ok.  I take comfort in that too.

One thing that always helps me, especially now when I’m in this in-between state, is quotes.  Sometimes when I’m reading I come across a quote that just stands out to me.  It speaks to me in some way and I have to write it down so I never forget it.  And these quotes help me, especially when I feel a little lost.  They help me to look at situations differently, at life differently.  So, I thought today I’d share some of my favorites quotes that are bringing me comfort.  I hope they provide you with some comfort too.

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“Without the dark there isn’t light.  Without the pain there is no relief.  And I remind myself that I’m lucky to be able to feel such great sorrow, and also such great happiness.  I can grab on to each moment of joy and live in those moments because I have seen the bright contrast from dark to light and back again  I am privileged to be able to recognize that the sound of laughter is a blessing and a song, and to realize that the bright hours spent with my family and friends are extraordinary treasures to be saved, because those same moments are a medicine, a balm.  Those moments are a promise that life is worth fighting for, and that promise is what pulls me through when depression distorts reality and tries to convince me otherwise.”  – Jenny Lawson, Furiously Happy

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“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going.  And I have trained myself to love it.  Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight.  And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to.  But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings.  You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.”  – C. Joybell C.

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“There is never a need to question the universe.  Trust.  Trust.  TRUST.  Things happen for a reason.  Warrior up!” – Rachel Brathen, Yoga Girl

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“Life takes each of us to the anvil, shapes us with fire and hammer, and some of us break while some of us become stronger, more able to face the day.  Even happy.”  – Jewel Kilcher


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