Remember that old Green Day song, Wake Me Up When September Ends? That’s how I used to feel about September. I use to dread the coming of this month so much. But, it’s amazing how things have changed.
I guess I get nostalgic in September. For many years September was a very bad month for me, mentally. In 1999, on September 11th when I was 14 my father suddenly passed away. I hadn’t seen him during the last year of his life, and my last conversation with him, which occurred the previous night, left me saying things I still regret to this day. I still regret those very last words I spoke to him, and unfortunately I will remember them forever.
After my father passed, I went downhill quick. My entire life, everything I had ever known, changed in the blink of an eye. I was 14 and I couldn’t adjust with all the changes to my life that had suddenly happened. I will never forget that sudden feeling of being lost; of finding myself in a world that I did not know how to deal with. For many years I struggled. September would reduce me to tears. I’d beat myself up about everything. I’d cry. I couldn’t function. I was stuck in a constant loop. September was my black hole.
But all that changed nearly nine years ago. September 11, 2008 I will remember for the rest of my life. On that day September 11 and the month of September took on a new, positive, happy meaning for me and ever since, September hasn’t been so hard to deal with. In fact, it’s a month I’m happy to greet now because I can celebrate instead of cry.
In the middle of the night, roughly around 2 a.m. on September 11, 2008 my amazing husband (then my boyfriend) proposed to me. He wanted to make September 11 and the month of September mean something positive instead of something negative. And, because of him, he has completely changed the meaning of September for me. For the past nearly nine years I have been able to enjoy September. It’s meaning had changed from one of sadness to one of celebration.
Every year on the anniversary of our engagement, we do something special. September 11 is a day to celebrate now. It’s our special day. One filled with lots of love, laughter and smiles. I get to celebrate with the one who means more to me than anything in this world, and who loves me no matter what and will do anything just to see me smile. My husband has completely changed my life in every possible way.
When September rolls around I can’t help but to look backwards from where I’ve been to where I am today. September is no longer my black hole. It’s taken me a long time, but most of the time I can think of my dad or talk about him without crying. I can try to remember the good times, instead of those last words I said to him. I can think of him and how proud he would be of me today. I know he would love my husband so much. And I know no matter what he is always with me.
It’s amazing when I look back to see how much the meaning of September has changed for me. September signifies new beginnings to me now. I get to celebrate this amazing life, and all the wonderful adventures that I have had and that are still yet to come with the most amazing man around, my husband. And it’s all because of him that this month took on such a positive meaning.